


It's not easy

by Kildren



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Clark is mentioned very briefly, F/F, Identity Reveal, James appears for a bit but he's good, Pre-Relationship, a lil' fluff, but it's there if you squint, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-25 22:14:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16206743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kildren/pseuds/Kildren
Summary: "You told me the truth and so I owe you the same honesty in return. I hope it’s better late than never, and that someday you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me. Until then…goodbye, Lena.”Canon divergence from 3x19. A little insight into Kara’s mind, an identity reveal, and how Lena deals with it.





	It's not easy

It was half past midnight and Lena was still in the R&D lab, working fervently on her project. She stopped her tinkering when an alert popped up on her tablet, telling her that there was movement on her office balcony. Tapping on the app she looked into the security cameras in her office and realized it was Supergirl, who appeared to be singing while using a flask as a microphone.

Lena squinted. Yep, definitely a flask in her hand. She turned on the audio and the heroine’s voice filtered through.

_Wish that I could cry_

_Fall upon my knees_

_Find a way to lie_

_About a home I’ll never see_

_It may sound absurd, but don’t be naïve_

_Even heroes have the right to bleed_

_I may be disturbed, but won’t you conceded_

_Even heroes have the right to dream_

_And it’s not easy to be me_

The words were slightly slurred together, and the Luthor wondered what prompted Supergirl to come to her office while tipsy, no less. They hadn’t really talked ever since Reign’s defeat, only seeing each other occasionally at the DEO when Alex sought for her help on alien tech issues. Even then she’d always tried to hold in a scowl when she saw the heroine.

_I’m only a girl_

_In a funny red sheet_

_I’m only a girl_

_Looking for a dream_

_I’m only a girl_

_In a funny red sheet_

_And it’s not easy_

_It’s not easy to be_

_Me_

Before she knew it the song had ended and Supergirl was staring out at the city below.

_“Nice song, isn’t it?”_

Lena didn’t reply, but the spike in her heartbeat answered for her.

_“You must be wondering why I’m here, almost drunk on your balcony and singing a song like that. I mean, becoming Supergirl was my choice, wasn’t it? Of course it was—all I wanted was to be like Superman because he was all I had, all I could look up to. I wanted to use my powers to help people, because what use am I if I don’t? What would be my purpose on Earth, the reason for my existence if I didn’t? But now that I’ve made myself known all I want to do is back out of all this and pretend it never happened.”_

Supergirl took a swig from the flask and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “ _I thought that being Supergirl meant that I could stop pretending I’m not alien, that I could be free and true to myself…but it isn’t like that. I should have thought more about the consequences, maybe then I wouldn’t be complaining how people put their expectations on me because I’m the Girl of Steel.”_

She let out a dry laugh. _“I have to be just, strong and selfless—everything a human can’t be. I didn’t think that being physically invincible equaled to being emotionally strong but apparently it does…I can’t believe I put the whole city on my shoulders without evening thinking._

_Why did I decide to rush head in and be the first line of defense for all that pain and fear? Who would enjoy being beaten up from time to time? Or when a single mistake can force you to pay a price way to high? This life—it isn’t easy. I’m starting to understand why Alex used to cope with her stress and emotions with alcohol. Can’t say I blame her for doing so, it’s better than doing drugs…what do aliens get high on though?_

_Anyways, I came here to tell you something that you won’t like. You’ll probably hate me and never want to talk to me ever again but I can’t go on like this… I don’t know how I can continue acting happy around you when I know you actually despise me for what I did.”_

Supergirl turned and looked straight into the security camera. _“My name is Kara. Kara Zor-El, Kara Danvers, Supergirl, whatever you want…they’re all me.”_

The blonde paused when Lena’s heart beat almost erratically at the admission.

_“Why now, you ask? At the end of the day we both hid secrets from each other in fear of ruining our friendship. You hid Kryptonite because you were afraid I’d lash out and you’d lose my trust, I hid the fact that Supergirl and Kara Danvers are the same person because I…I wanted to protect you, and I was afraid you would think I was spying on you all this time, that our friendship meant nothing.”_

Kara heaved a sigh. _“You told me the truth and so I owe you the same honesty in return. I hope it’s better late than never, and that someday you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me. Until then…goodbye, Lena.”_

With that said Supergirl took off from her balcony and into the night.

Lena stared blankly at the screen with only one thought running through her mind: Kara Danvers is Supergirl?

.

She spent the first two days fully digesting the one way conversation Kara had with her. Lena had never known Supergirl to be weak and not even Kara Danvers acted vulnerable around her. She berated herself for not noticing the similarities between them, that as a Luthor she was stuck as a person who was inherently evil no matter what she did; and as a Super Kara was forced into the ideal mold that humans created for her, that she had to be everything they wanted her to be even if she didn’t want to. Helping humanity was Kara’s choice, not an obligation, yet everyone took it as granted and thought of it as a given.

It wasn’t until the third day that Lena decided to message Kara for a meet up. When the whole day passed and she had yet to receive word from the reporter, she frowned at the unusual behavior. On the fourth day she decided to call Kara, but all her calls went straight to voicemail. On the fifth day she was angry at Kara for not replying at all, for throwing the truth in her face and then ghosting her, so she didn’t attempt to contact her again. On the sixth day she stopped by Kara’s apartment but no one was there.

On the seventh day, Lena headed to CatCo.

The employees cast her curious glances, which wasn’t unexpected because she had been usually absent ever since the whole Worldkillers debacle. Sam had left so she spent more time at L-Corp, leaving James back in charge of the media empire. She stopped when she saw Kara’s desk empty—cleared of everything, to be exact. Turning her heels she stalked towards James’s office, the latter looking up in surprise when she practically burst into the room, causing his door to hit the wall with a loud thud.

“Lena?”

“Where’s Kara?” she demanded.

James sighed dejectedly. “I don’t know, I was just surprised as you are. I’ve been calling everyone I know, I even dared to call Miss Grant but no one knows where she is.”

“Did you call Superman?” She scoffed when James looked at her in silent panic. “Well did you?!”

“I—I did,” he stammered, “but he doesn’t know either.”

“What about Alex?”

“I tried and she just said sorry—Lena!”

The Luthor was already on her way out of his office. When she got into her car she dialed Alex’s number.

_“Lena—”_

“If you don’t tell me where Kara is I will hack into the DEO’s system and put a lock on _everything_.”

Alex sputtered. _“Do you even know what you’re implying?”_

“Am I threatening to danger national security? Maybe I am, but it shouldn’t be surprising because I’m a Luthor, aren’t I?”

_“Look, I don’t know where she is, I really don’t.”_

“Then I’ll have to get her to come out. Jumping off a building might do the trick.”

_“Don’t be stupid! Not even Supergirl will be able to catch you!”_

“She’s…not on Earth?”

_“…what do you mean? Of course Kara’s on Earth.”_

“She didn’t tell you?”

_“Tell me what?”_

“She revealed her secret to me a week ago.”

_“No…she didn’t say. All she told me was she wanted to be alone for a while...she left a couple days ago.”_

Lena let out a frustrated sigh. Kara must have left before she sent her the text. “And you just let her go?”

_“There’s no reason to stop her, Kara wouldn’t—”_ Alex paused. _“She promised me she’d be back.”_

“Will she? Then tell me why she quit CatCo.”

Alex sucked in a breath. _“That I don’t know. You’ll just have to wait for her to come back.”_

But what if she didn’t? “Tell her I’m looking for her, will you?” she replied quietly instead.

.

The next few days crawled by slowly in an agonizing pace. All she could think of was Kara and how she wanted to yell at her for just leaving like that, or how much she missed her laughter and cheekiness. One minute she wanted to shove kale down the blonde’s throat as some form of payback, but the next minute she just wanted Kara’s hugs and her warmth. Lena was certain she was going crazy.

She had been wallowing in her office late at night when Kara finally came back. The CEO got up from her chair immediately when she heard the tell tale whoosh that indicated Supergirl’s arrival. She turned around and stalked towards Kara, the latter frozen in spot with an unsure look on her face.

“If you ever disappear again I’ll fucking kill you,” she muttered when she threw her arms around the Super’s waist, squeezing as tightly as she could. “And I don’t care why you quit CatCo but you’re coming back, because no other boss will be willing to give you free reign over your schedule.”

“Okay,” Kara squeaked. A beat later she tentatively returned the hug Lena was giving her.

“I’m mad at you, me, and everything that’s been going wrong these past weeks but…I missed you a lot,” the Luthor whispered. “More than I ever thought was possible.”

“I missed you too,” the Kryptonian confessed, “so, so much.”

“Take me with you next time you go on a vacation, understood?”

Kara chuckled. “Crystal clear, boss.”

Lena pulled away and gave her a stern look. “I’m serious, whether it’s to Argo or another universe. Can’t let the Super have fun without the Luthor, can we?” she ended with a smirk.

The heroine grinned at the response, and then it slowly turned into a soft smile. “I love you, Lena.”

The CEO’s heart skipped a beat, but Kara used love all the time to her friends and family so it probably didn’t mean anything.

Lena had never been able to say the word love to anyone, not after Lex. She had never told Jack she loved him either, she always replied with the closest form possible. “As do I,” she breathed out.

“Let me take you home?”

Despite knowing that Kara’s question was nothing but genuine, the Luthor couldn’t help but do a sharp intake as her mind went elsewhere. Why was she even thinking about the implications? “No, I—I don’t want to fly, no offense to your abilities. I’ll drive home.”

“Who said anything about flying? I can drive too, you know.”

Lena arched a brow and looked pointedly at her. “Fine,” Kara conceded with a pout. “I can drive but I’m not the safest driver out there.”

The CEO laughed softly. “By the way, I’ll be expecting you back at CatCo within three days. Better tomorrow, as if your vacation wasn’t long enough.”

“What if _we_ go on a vacation?”

“Keep it up and I’ll be the only one going.”

“You wouldn’t!”

“Is that a challenge, Kara Zor-El?”

 Kara gave her a face splitting smile upon hearing Lena say her name for the first time. “No, it certainly isn’t.”

“Good. Now let’s go.”

“Let’s…?”

“Give me a chance to drive you home, for all the times you had to carry me in the air.”

The Super was about the respond when something caught her attention, causing her to look out.

“You have to go, don’t you?” Lena asked.

Kara nodded apologetically.

“Don’t apologize for taking care of National City, Kara. Let’s have brunch together soon, hmm?” she prompted.

Kara leaned forward hesitantly before pressing a chaste kiss onto her right cheek. “Soon,” she echoed before taking off.

Lena absentmindedly reached up to touch the spot where soft lips had just been. If she had thought being friends was a Super was hard before, it wasn’t any easier now that she knew her best friend was diving head first into danger. Perhaps she’d give Alex a call and persuade her permanently help the DEO, specifically Supergirl. Well, after apologizing for threatening to hack into the DEO’s system, of course. Hopefully the newly appointed Director would agree to her request.

**Author's Note:**

> The lyrics are from the acoustic cover of “Superman (It's Not Easy)” sung by Sabrina. The original is sung by John Ondrasik, aka Five for Fighting.


End file.
